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Dear Santa,
Yeah it's not even september yet...
...and I also know I have been like in your naughty list for quite sometime now...
I kinda noticed you haven't been sending me my xmas presents, yannoe
..(not that I was hangin' my mom's wrinkly red stocking each year 
)...it's not like we have a chimney anyways..LMAO..
ok ok..I'm writing coz you already prob'ly know this ass I met recently...(who's like so hot and can cook
)...well, I kinda think he's comatose right now from my jokes...
IKR..
well if you can grant me one wish please make him wake up..and promise I won't ever write to you again..like six times...daily...a year...
P.S.: it's not like I'm wishin' for a miracle..He does seem braindead already way back, if ya know what I mean
..kidding
not-so-pretty-but-very-smart-and-oh-so-shy...LMAO
"LENDY" (don't freak out..I know my name sucks
)
Yeah it's not even september yet...
...and I also know I have been like in your naughty list for quite sometime now...I kinda noticed you haven't been sending me my xmas presents, yannoe
..(not that I was hangin' my mom's wrinkly red stocking each year )...it's not like we have a chimney anyways..LMAO..ok ok..I'm writing coz you already prob'ly know this ass I met recently...(who's like so hot and can cook
)...well, I kinda think he's comatose right now from my jokes... IKR..well if you can grant me one wish please make him wake up..and promise I won't ever write to you again..like six times...daily...a year...
P.S.: it's not like I'm wishin' for a miracle..He does seem braindead already way back, if ya know what I mean
..kidding not-so-pretty-but-very-smart-and-oh-so-shy...LMAO"LENDY" (don't freak out..I know my name sucks
)
Shortly after a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over,
pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of
matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation.
pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of
matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, Tony replied, "That's me before the operation.
Two friends talking:
- Yesterday I split up with my girlfriend.
- What happened, you were doing so well together.
- We were taking a shower together and she said: Darling, let's do
something really bad
- So what?
- So I spilled shampoo to her eyes.
- Yesterday I split up with my girlfriend.
- What happened, you were doing so well together.
- We were taking a shower together and she said: Darling, let's do
something really bad
- So what?
- So I spilled shampoo to her eyes.
There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on a beach.
He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he
covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up toward him and asked, "What's
that under your newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied. "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was in tremendous pain. The
police asked him what happened.
The guy says, "I dont know. I was lying on the
beach, and this little girl asked me a question, I guess
I dosed off and the next thing I know im here"
The police went to the beach found the little girl and
asked her "What did you do after that?"
After a pause the little girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I
was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I
broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on
fire!"
He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he
covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up toward him and asked, "What's
that under your newspaper?"
Thinking quickly, the guy replied. "A bird."
The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was in tremendous pain. The
police asked him what happened.
The guy says, "I dont know. I was lying on the
beach, and this little girl asked me a question, I guess
I dosed off and the next thing I know im here"
The police went to the beach found the little girl and
asked her "What did you do after that?"
After a pause the little girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I
was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I
broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on
fire!"
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things
were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a
weekend trip. She said "I want you to come spend the weekend at
our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also
like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there" the boy
replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to
pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told
him about his weekend to come and said he needed some
condoms. The pharmacist asked "do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack,
or family sized 24 pack?" the boy replied " "I plan on getting busy
all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and
blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing" said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family
was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked
the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten
minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said,
"you never told me that you were so religious" the boy replied,
"You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist"
were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a
weekend trip. She said "I want you to come spend the weekend at
our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also
like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there" the boy
replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to
pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told
him about his weekend to come and said he needed some
condoms. The pharmacist asked "do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack,
or family sized 24 pack?" the boy replied " "I plan on getting busy
all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and
blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing" said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family
was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked
the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten
minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said,
"you never told me that you were so religious" the boy replied,
"You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist"
3 men got stranded on an island filled with cannibals. The chief of
the cannibal tribe told them each, go out into the forest and pick 10
pieces of the same fruit. So out the men went.
The first came back with 10 apples. The chief said "if you can
shove all the fruit up your ass without making a face, we will let
you free." So the man started, but could only get 2 apples in
before he made a face, so he was eaten.
The second man came back with 10 berries and was told the
same thing. He got to seven of the berries, but busted out
laughing, so the cannibals killed and ate him.
When he got to heaven, the first guy said "You were so close,
why did you laugh?"
"Well, I was almost done, but then I looked up and saw the third
guy coming back with ten pineapples."
the cannibal tribe told them each, go out into the forest and pick 10
pieces of the same fruit. So out the men went.
The first came back with 10 apples. The chief said "if you can
shove all the fruit up your ass without making a face, we will let
you free." So the man started, but could only get 2 apples in
before he made a face, so he was eaten.
The second man came back with 10 berries and was told the
same thing. He got to seven of the berries, but busted out
laughing, so the cannibals killed and ate him.
When he got to heaven, the first guy said "You were so close,
why did you laugh?"
"Well, I was almost done, but then I looked up and saw the third
guy coming back with ten pineapples."
Who said these lines anyhow???
"I'll give you all my time, if you just throw me a glance..."-says the watch.
"You light up my life and kill me softly..."-says the candle.
"Why do you hate me so much each time I ask you something you can't answer?..."-says the test paper.
"Am I that irresistable? I seem to always make you fall...."-says gravity.
GOOD EVENING DAN
"I'll give you all my time, if you just throw me a glance..."
-says the watch."You light up my life and kill me softly..."
-says the candle."Why do you hate me so much each time I ask you something you can't answer?..."
-says the test paper."Am I that irresistable? I seem to always make you fall...."
-says gravity.GOOD EVENING DAN
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said,
"We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him
money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the
driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what
he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy
replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said,
"We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him
money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the
driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what
he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy
replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
hahaha..starin' at the ceilin from time to time while chattin'wow sitting under a tree??cool..hahahaha
starin' at the ceilin from time to time while chattin'wow sitting under a tree??cool..hahahaha
ikr..hahahahwhat's up??hahaha apart from the sky, that is.granny's peanuts still fills my head...hahahahaha
what's up??hahaha apart from the sky, that is.granny's peanuts still fills my head...hahahahaha
dayum boy..you are soooo serious...hahahaha..i was kidding tooI would not miss makin' you laugh for the world..hahahaha...that sounds so gay...
I would not miss makin' you laugh for the world..hahahaha...that sounds so gay...
Mmmkay..is that sothen I won't be sendin you jokes anymore tomorrow...hahahaha
then I won't be sendin you jokes anymore tomorrow...hahahaha